My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize