I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
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This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
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Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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