my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We need to get me chipped asap
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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