a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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