so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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