I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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