Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
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to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize