i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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