i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
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I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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