you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize