If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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