Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
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Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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