that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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