This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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