I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
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You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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