she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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