Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
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Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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