If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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