Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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