That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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