Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
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Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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