who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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