you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
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Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
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oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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