I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize