Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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