I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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