now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
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get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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