He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize