4 words: hood of his car
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
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His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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