If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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