Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize