I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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