community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
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WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
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Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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