he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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