My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
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I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
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I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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