Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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