youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
false alarm. still invincible.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
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I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
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i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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