i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
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you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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