i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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