I smell stomach acid.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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