i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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