So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize