just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize