i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I could make wine with my vomit
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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