She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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