At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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