masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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