I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
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My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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