John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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