ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize